There are many important Fringe rituals: performer passwords so performers can see each others shows for free (best underground economy ever), shilling for other people’s shows at the end of your show, and my personal favorite – the Fringe Crush.

This is especially important if you are touring, so that you can develop a crush on a performer while they are in Ottawa, and then pick it up again when you meet in Saskatoon, but it is also important if you are just doing one city.

“But I am already married/dating/seeing someone/how can I possibly have a Fringe Crush? Is it paramount to cheating on my beloved?”

Heck no! You are only going to be seeing them around for ten days, and it’s a great thing to preoccupy your brain with in lieu of stressing about performing.

Example: Try replacing thought a) “My, it is fricken hot in this town, will people still come to my show if my venue is not air conditioned?” with thought b) “My, those Albuquerque citizens are hot, I hope they will be in the beer tent.”

Don’t you just feel the pressures of life just melting away?

(Note: if you are not a performer, I am sure you are probably stressing about something too, so please, Fringe Crush away!)

The Fringe Crush is a strange beast, because you know you need to have one, and in ten short days, sometimes there is very little to base your crush on. Here are some examples to get you started.

The art crush: The most popular of Fringe Crushes. You like someone’s art, and subsequently think they should be your husband. I have this problem with Kelly Rigole and Simon Bradshaw of This is a Recording. They are actually a perfect Fringe Crush because they are dating each other, so you can’t get too carried away with your wedding plans to either of them. Although no word yet about how they would feel about wedding plans to both of them concurrently.

The crush of proximity: This is a crush that occurs mostly when touring the Fringe with someone in a small vehicle traveling for extremely long periods of time. It is boring to drive for long periods of time. But it is less boring if you can pretend to fall asleep on the shoulder of a Fringe Crush. Excellent examples of this include touring in a van with a bathtub strapped to the roof, containing 6 sweaty people driving from Ottawa to Edmonton. By focusing my energies on finding opportunities to rest my head on the supple shoulder of Satanic Panic’s swarthy Ray Besharah, the trip passed in a flash. Or at least more of a flash that Saskatchewan normally affords.

The crush of generosity: Doing a Fringe show is hard. Postering is hard. Lifting things (as I mentioned in previous posts) is hard. So if someone happens to step in to help at a time of dire straights, they may well find themselves as the object of your Fringe Crush. The first day of the Fringe I was postering in the dark without a tape gun on a damp fence while talking on the phone. This was proving to be difficult, until out of the darkness came a gentleman who gently plucked the tape from my hands, ripped off a piece of the clear masking and affixed my poster with such prowess that I melted to a puddle. That was all I needed. My top fringe crush was fixed firmly in place. I would mention their name, but then EVERYONE might start having a Fringe Crush on them, and how could I get through the masses to make shy awkward conversation in the beer tent?

Emily Pearlman’s Countries Shaped Like Stars has its final two performances tonight (Friday, June 26) at 7:00 pm, and tomorrow (Saturday, June 27) at 9:00 pm in BYOV #4 - Cafe Alternatif.

Filed under: 2009, Fringe Blog, Performer Blogs, ¡MI CASA! by Patrick Gauthier